Lessons and Blessings from 2018

2017 New Years Eve,

Sitting at my best friend Ashley’s counter, watching Sahara Rose’s webinar on a nutrition school before we started our New Year’s Eve festivities. I was filled with excitement for the new year. I had a strong sense this new year was going to take me great distances. I was manifesting a big move to Cali. I was going to drive across country with my just me and my dog. San Diego to be exact. I had no idea what I would do to make a living but I knew I could always fall back on waitressing and property management. In my heart I knew I wanted to be a life coach. I knew I wanted to help people transform their mindsets and live the best life they could have ever imagined. I wanted to help people live out their inner truth. I had no I idea where to begin. I had no one around me doing anything like that. I knew social workers, teachers and fitness coaches but no life coaches. From all the podcasts I listened to I thought these people only existed in California. I wanted to find a community of holistic healers. I was so desperate I was going to leave everything I had ever known to do so.

After watching the webinar with Ashley, I knew this school was going to make my dream reality. This school was IIN, coaching from a nutrition background. Nutrition was how I was healing myself. That’s when I realized nutrition was going to be how I help others heal. The only thing stopping me was the cost of tuition. The program was thousands of dollars I didn’t have. I had no idea how I was going to afford the cost of school. I almost gave up on the whole idea. A few days later I received a call from The Institute of Integrative Nutrition   All my worries had subsided when discovering there was a payment plan that fit my budget. A few weeks later I began my journey at IIN, and what a self-transformational journey it has been. There were some ups and downs, just like any other thing. Learning to balance school, two jobs, family and friends has been challenging. Learning to say no when fun calls has been the biggest struggle. Everything I have learned throughout the program has touched my soul and opened my eyes to an entirely new life. I now have the confidence and knowledge to help others. This taught me the universe is always supporting my dreams.

Around the same time, I decided to launch a blog. I had never shared my weight loss story with anyone I didn’t know. Especially not publicly on social media. I felt as if my story could inspire those dealing with similar issues. I had so much shame around my past. I had shame around my body. By posting my story I was able to own my story, live my truth and accept myself. I had received so much love just for putting myself out there. I was no longer scared to show everyone who I was. I learned the beauty of vulnerability through this lesson.

Launching a blog came a whole new experience.  And I had no idea what I was doing. Social media and all that stuff were pretty foreign for me. In order to learn more, I needed to attend different workshops. Attending workshops with strangers really forces me out of my comfort zone. I had to introduce myself to these women and share my stories with them face to face. I was so scared of the judgement. But I needed to get over the judgment I had around myself and others. Maybe they were or maybe they weren’t judging me. I needed to learn to quiet the harmful self-talk. Over time, I did. By going to different workshops and not quitting because it’s scary, was transformational. This taught me judgment did not serve any part of me.

This year was really going great. I had found a roommate and moved out on my own. It wasn’t California but it was exactly where I needed to be. Learning to live with someone that wasn’t my family was a lot harder than I expected it to be. My roommate taught me to really be understanding of others. I thought I was until I realized I like things done my way. Things were rough at first but we did have really good communication. If something was bothering one of us, we would talk about it. We respected each other and made it work. Having a roommate taught me in order to live with others, there needs to be boundaries and respect.

Midsummer things got a little rough. There were a lot of changes in my office at my full-time job. My team went from four people all the way down to two in just a few months. Two people were doing the work that once four people did. It was extremely overwhelming during our busy season. I was also serving an extra day at the restaurant. I felt physical and emotionally drained. I had let my blog slack. I had been posting every week up until that point. So not only was I feeling overworked,  I was also feeling guilty because I felt like I was slacking. Not posting regular blogs was something I felt so disappointed in. To make up for working so hard, I go out and drink just as hard. Since I was going out, I wasn’t waking up early for CrossFit. My diet and my fitness were also slacking. I would make poor eating choices when drinking. I was feeling pretty stuck for 6 weeks.

Then Mercury Retrograde happened…

This summer we had some pretty bad storms. On this particular day it was down pouring. To the point if you walked outside you we be drenched in the matter of seconds. There was flooding everywhere. I was on my way home from my office job and there were cars stuck in floods everywhere. I was pretty nervous, so instead of going to my second job, I went home. I live on the barrier island. The whole island was covered with water. I had driven through some pretty big floods before so I thought it would be no problem. Not this time… Right at the end of my street, there was a pretty big puddle. I wasn’t sure how deep it was. I just knew I wanted to get home. So I started driving through it. I looked out the driver’s side window and there was a cop standing in the puddle up to his waist. That’s when I knew it probably wasn’t a good idea. I had made it through the puddle and turned on my street. At the time I was on a Bluetooth three way call with my girlfriends. I told them “I made it, I made it!”. I didn’t hear anything back. I press on the gas but my car just rolled. I had flooded my engine. I honestly didn’t know cars didn’t  turn back on after that.

My car was totaled. Getting a new car was not easy. I had to challenge the insurance company for more money to cover the cost of my loan. Everything was up in the air. At many points during this time I thought I was going to be riding my bike to work. Luckily I am truly blessed with people who helped me get through this time. After all, everything was fine. It was better than fine. I had a newer car and fewer miles and lower payment. Payers got me through. I had my breakdowns but having faith everything would be okay is the only thing that got me through. Through this I learned there will always be dark day. No matter how happy you try and be. No one is immune to the suffering of life no matter how many self help books you’ve read.

Shortly after getting a new car, came Fall. I was ready for a change. I had learned so much this past year I was ready to use this knowledge to take me to the next level in 2019. Fall has been spent planting seeds; taking all this knowledge and planning to implement it to make the life I’ve dreamed of. Every day I am one step closer. Sometimes my plans don’t work out as I had hoped. At first, that’s a little hard to swallow. Then I adjust and I am able to see the blessings and the lessons. Surrendering to God’s plan is accepting what is and being able to see the lessons are the blessings.

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