Emerson Rose

The day I found out, is the day I started manifesting.

As we celebrated Emerson’s 2nd birthday this weekend I couldn’t help to think how I got here. Don’t get me wrong, my mother and a few others can also have a little credit but Emerson Rose was my push..

Last month while packing my bedroom to move I found a journal from right around the time my sister, Jordan, announced to me she was pregnant with her first child. Around that same time I was trying to break free from a very toxic relationship and picking up the pieces of my life I let slip through the cracks. I found writing to be extremely healing. I started evaluating (on paper) what was really happening in my life at that time and why wasn’t I happy. I was not making any excuses but  taking ownership for the first time in my life. I knew I did not want my niece to know the person I was then. Changes needed to happen. I wanted to be her role model. The one she went to for advice. The footsteps she followed. I needed to be my highest self not only for myself but also for Emerson.

In my journal while I was taking ownership for what I didn’t like about my life, I was writing down what I wanted my life to look like. At the time I didn’t own a car. I was even having trouble paying my cell phone bill. I had nothing of my own. I didn’t have any healthy release of stress and no other healthy habits. The goals I was writing down was what I needed at that very time; A car, savings, planning a baby shower, etc. It wasn’t anything like buying a house but these were the stepping stones I needed to take so I could when I wanted to. This journal entry was where I decided to start yoga. The same day I bought this the journal was the day I bought my first yoga mat. I envisioned Emerson one day doing yoga with me, which currently happens.

After accomplishing these small goals I had written down I was proud. They were big moves for me. I was proving to myself I can accomplish what I set out for. Before that I didn’t feel much pride.

At the end of that year I also wrote in the journal to close out 2015…..

-”No one will ever understand what I went through in 2015. This year started out horrible but ended perfectly. I learned so many life lessons. I’ve learned I am a good person and to not allow other to treat me badly. I’ve learned my body is a beautiful temple and to treat it with respect. Yoga is my way out. I’ve learn to forget what does not make me better. Anything that is holding me back shall stay away.”

I love to read things from past me. All these things make up the person I am today. Reflecting where you were durning those bad times are essential for leveling up. I am happy to say it all started with the news that Emerson was on her way here.

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