What does it mean to be vulnerable?
- susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm.
- “we were in a vulnerable position”
- helpless, defenseless, powerless, impotent, weak
What being vulnerable means to me:
Open to giving and receiving by trusting in yourself and in others. Having the self-power to understand negative thoughts of other do not serve you and judgement is only fueled by others insecurities.
I have lived most of my life with never having been fully vulnerable, with myself or others. I have found myself in vulnerable situations but never on purpose. I would never fully open my heart to a lover or even a close friend. My walls stood ten feet high; wrapped with barbed wire.
I was raised by a single-mother and my strong willed aunt. They taught that I had rights, independence, and to stand on my own. I am extremely grateful for my upbringing and wouldn’t have changed it for the world. All events in my life have created the person who I am today. A crucial part of development my mother and aunt left out was the appropriate time to be vulnerable.
Being a single parent is extremely hard. Having to play the female and male energy in the same role is extremely difficult and nearly impossible to balance. Sometimes sacrifices have to be made for survival. The lesson of vulnerability had been one of them for me.
Throughout life this has made it hard to let people into my soul. I have blocked outsider, close friends, and even family from seeing all of me. It’s also lead me to build walls. Thinking I was blocking hate and judgement; I was really stopping love, from coming in.
Through my self-development journey,
I discovered what was blocking the alignment to my truth. I discover that yes, I could give plenty of love but I was extremely uncomfortable with letting love in. The fear of being attacked, powerless, weak, judged, all kept me from living a fulfilling life.
After I acknowledged why I wasn’t being fulfilled in life, I took action. I had a story to share, that could possibly help others. I lived in fear, while keeping my story free from judgment. I felt it was becoming selfish.
Late last year I set a goal. I would post my story, for the world to see, on January 31st 2018. By no means was I ready or prepared. I made a decision, I would for the first time go public and ooze vulnerability. The self-doubt was at on all time high and the negative thoughts flooded my mind.To overcome this I had to take action and trust myself; self-power.
On January 31st 2018, I took the leap and posted before and after selfies on social media. I was extremely uncomfortable. I had never in my life been so nervous about anything. Then, the love started pouring in;outreach after outreach. Someone had even thanked me for “being human”. I have never in my life been thanked for being something so natural. This made me feel as if I had just married myself. I’ve never been married before but I would imagine it feels something like that…
As a society we are fueled by fear. I feared being attacked, therefore I avoided joyous things like allowing love into my heart. I pray everyday for horrible things like judgment, bullying, shaming and hate to stop. I am aware I cannot control others, I can only control my own thoughts. By showing others the miracles I’ve created in my life maybe I can be a little inspiration for just one person. And maybe that one person could change the world.